How Negativity Bias Hijacks Our Happiness
Recently, I was super excited to hear about a friend's vacation, but then they hit me with, "Yeah, it was good, but it was way too hot." I mean, it was southern Italy in the height of summer. I wanted to hear about the fantastic food, the spritz's, and the scenery, especially after seeing their fabulous Instagram pics; it looked fun. But as soon as they led with the negative, the "too hot" weather, it kind of killed the vibe. I didn't know what to say next.
It's the same when someone asks how you are, and you respond with, "I'm so busy." It's like throwing a wet blanket on the conversation, isn't it?
And we are all aware that it's easier to remember that one piece of criticism over all the compliments you received. Or how often the memory of a tough day sticks around longer than the joy of a good one?
This isn't just you being hard on yourself; it's a very common human tendency called negativity bias. Yuck.
What Is Negativity Bias?
Negativity bias is our brain's tendency to give more weight to negative experiences than positive ones, a survival mechanism from our ancestors who needed to stay alert to dangers like lions and tigers. But today, we're rarely dodging wild animals, and this bias can hold us back, causing us to dwell on criticisms or awkward moments instead of appreciating the many positive interactions we have daily. It's like our minds are velcro for the bad and teflon for the good. However, by consciously directing our attention toward positive experiences and feelings, we can counteract this bias and create a more balanced perspective.
How Negativity Bias Shows Up
In Conversations: As I mentioned before, when we lead with something negative, we miss sharing the good and connecting more deeply.
In Relationships: We all have those little things that annoy us about others, right? Even if they do many things right, that one annoyance can overshadow everything else.
In Self-Reflection: We're often our own harshest critics. You could have a day full of achievements, but what do you focus on? That one mistake or the task you didn't finish.
In Decision-Making: Negativity bias can make us overestimate risks and shy away from opportunities. We might get stuck on what could go wrong instead of what could go right.
How to Beat Negativity Bias
OK, so now that we know about this bias, how do we train our brains to focus more on the positive? It takes practice, but it's totally doable!
In Conversations: Start with something positive when someone asks how you're doing or how something went. For example, if someone asks about your day, share something good that happened, like a meaningful interaction or a small win, before mentioning any stress.
Practice Gratitude: Think about or write down a few things you're grateful for daily. It's a simple way to shift your focus from what's wrong to what's going right.
Reframe Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself dwelling on something negative, try to reframe it. If you're dwelling on a mistake, remind yourself that everyone makes them, and they're opportunities to learn.
Balance Criticism with Praise: Try to balance negative feedback with positive comments in your relationships. It's easy to point out what's not working, but sharing what you appreciate can help build stronger connections.
Positive Visualization: Spend time imagining positive outcomes in your life. Whether it's a work project or a personal goal, visualizing success can help counterbalance your brain's tendency to focus on potential pitfalls.
Embracing the Positive
When you savour a positive experience, you're enjoying the moment and creating lasting memories that can help counterbalance negativity bias. By fully engaging in the good sensations, happy thoughts, and reflecting on what you enjoyed, you can build a habit of focusing on the positive. While negativity bias is a natural part of being human, it doesn't have to dominate your perspective. You can create more happiness and connection by consciously shifting your focus to the positive. So, let's start celebrating the sunny days, savoring the moments that make us smile, and sharing the good in our lives.
Ask yourself, how might your life change if you started noticing and amplifying the positive moments instead of letting the negative ones take centre stage?